Happy New Year

I can hardly believe 08 is over. I can barely keep my eyes open to watch the ball drop on Dick Clark's Rockin New Year....yes, I am that lame! Resolutions are for losers who make 'em just to break 'em ( I know I am one of those losers) but this year I am committing to nothing...at least not in writing. Ha!Ha! Ha! Thank God Kam loves me still.

Snow Day!

Bah Humbug?
Who was that crazy, cynical woman posting ( posing) as me yesterday? It wasn't me. Couldn't be me! After 10 inches of fresh fallen snow and therefore happy children I am once again reminded of my holiday spirit and joy. Or could it be the effects of sugar on my restricted diet? Hmm, I'll give that consideration a bit later, but for now I feel the calm that comes from knowing the cookies are baked, the kids are occupied making snow angels and I have a few solitary, quiet moments alone. I'm so blissed out I could fall asleep. More meds!

Countdown to Christmas

Pokemon and Princesses are the themes in my home this Christmas season.
When asked what Christmas means, my kids both dutifully recite, "the birth of baby Jesus". Do I think they know what this means? Do I think that it brings a deeper meaning to our holiday? Not a chance! They recite what they know I want to hear and then go about making lists: but being good for gifts just doesn't cut it in my mind.

Here's my ugly secret: I cant wait for this holiday to be over. Bah Humbug!!!

Morning Cup o Joe

Random thoughts

Strawberry Shortcake and her friends are all very cute, until that 1st cup o joe is finished and then I wake up....

My dog has an eating disorder - she eats everything without a care whether it's edible or not. She's a vacuum cleaner!

Emily is the emotional leader and caretaker of the house. She makes sure we all remember our manners, say please and thankyou, sorry, and I accept your apology, even when it's not necessary.

Anything that can be rhymed with dead and sang to the tune of a classic Christmas song is hilarious and must be repeated all day long......

Noah, Emily and Puddin are really running the show around here. Kam and I are like Great Britain's Royal Family = we're only figured heads with a false sense of purpose and importance.

Sleep Where Art Thou?

Curse that small wicked child I named Emily! In my loopy, sleep deprived state apparently I'm feeling Shakespearean. Another night of tossing and turning, of kicking and yelling, of bad dreams, and confusing sleep positions: I'm a mess! There is not enough Lunesta on the planet to make me sleep through the drama of that girl. Did I mention she yelled at me for sleeping in her bed? Without the aid of my morning caffeine to help me resist, I nearly lunged for her like an animal. I actually growled.

To add to this sleepless drama, when I did drift off, I dreamt of horrible things: being in a small boat on rocky waters, unclogging a toilet without a plunger and watching Kam cook a meal on our front lawn with a hibachi grill...all very strange and disturbing. Just another day at the Ng house.

Brave and Bold or just scared and old?

These pictures show 2 Amazing Women.
And we look more amazing today than 2 years ago. Me and Rosh! What a friendship we have forged from bickering roommates, to friends, to our family's taking vacations together. I think we are amazing no matter how we look. As long as our vacay's get more exotic.And they keep bringing the drinks were good !:-)

Me and Oprah were separated at birth

...I'm sure of it now. I saw a clip of her on TV talking about her food addiction.
"YES!", I yelled at the TV screen, "Me Too!" On the upcoming cover- or perhaps current, I dunno, she shows herself at her most trim and healthy self and a current picture of how she looks today. I love that Oprah is gutsy enough to do that. Oprah is bold, and fearless in her honesty. She has all the resources and means to make herself look pretty much anyway she chooses ( think Michael Jackson, or Joan Rivers) Eek! Yet here she is, this influential millionaire, and she chooses to put her truth, her body, her struggles and make it the centerpiece of a monthly publication. I applaud, admire and emulate that kind of honesty. I still cringe when I see photos of myself at my heaviest. And the entire world looking and judging me???, just the thought makes me want to eat a chocolate covered doughnut(or two). or maybe more. No! No more!

TheNewMcGee is not just a tagline

...or a slogan or anything else meaningless or trite. Thenewmcgee is about change and overcoming my fears. Change that began when I decided I wasn't living the life I was meant to lead. This is me, rambling, and yeah, I do this sometimes. It helps me to figure things out when I put into words those thoughts that keep bumping into one another, as I try to solve a problem. It happens often. So here is my latest thought. While I've transformed and made changes that have made me a healthier person, I want to make a change that will make me just plain happier. I know we have to try to accept ourselves, and that we all fall short, but I'm not accepting my physical limitations anymore. I'm not going to allow them to make me embarrassed and masking my insecurities about how I look and feel. I'm going, in 4 weeks, into the hospital to have surgery to help me finish what I began in 2006. I've got insurance, my family's blessings, and my courage. What else could I possibly need? Well, besides a new hairbrush, mine fell in the toilet bowl this morning!

Everyone needs a good laugh

When my grandfather died, our family discovered that he was born and raised Jewish. He hid this from everyone when he immigrated from Canada to the U.S. and began his life as a doctor and husband. He changed his name, his birth date and his faith without anyone the wiser. He and my YaYa raised their children in not only the Catholic faith but, in Catholic schools from the time they were small children through high school graduation. While this caused quite a stir as my mother and her siblings wrapped their minds around such a huge revelation, I wonder if grandpa's motivations are best realized by watching this clip from one of my favorite movies. What do you think?

The New Mom Song

Thank you Brian for sending this to me. I had heard the older version and I love this one even more. Noah thought it was silly fun. I think his exact words were, " She's crazy!"

So Uninspiri-Ng

The Bush Doctrine
The Bush Legacy Project
President Bush's revisionist history lesson in his near daily "exit interviews" with major news networks finds me yelling at the TV. That man is Pinocchio and his nose is growing with each re-telling of his policies when it comes to his reasoning for starting and remaining in a war with Iraq, detaining "enemy combatants", and the rest of the fear mongering he has created in the past 8 years. My son Noah is 8 years old. This has been going on for his entire lifetime. Sad. It makes me almost nostalgic for the troubles Bill Clinton created - while morally bankrupt were so small by comparison.

Okay, Im through with my early morning rant. This is what happens when I dont get enough sleep - Emily you tiny troublemaker! - or enough coffee!

Life in Michigan= Not so Inspiri-Ng

Alright, so I don't mean to complain, moan and whine, but has anyone read the cover of today's paper? It's pretty sad. Detroit is literally begging for money from the government to bail out our auto industry and it ain't looking so good. Being I was born and raised in and around Detroit I feel I have more than a little to lose if the Big 3 don't get some cash. Everyone I know is, in some way big or small, affected by this crisis. We are in trouble. People are losing jobs, getting pay cuts and living off of a dwindling savings and retirement.

It's pretty startling and unprecedented front page news. Check it out for yourself by clicking on my post title and tell me what you think.

Down Goes the Tree

Well it was bound to happen at some point. I should have been on my guard. I should have seen the signs. The twinkling lights, the shiny ornaments. It was all to much for a 3 1/2 year old to handle. In fact, it wasn't until I heard the thud that I rushed into the family room and saw her little legs in the air, that I realized Emily and the tree came toppling upside down. I was panicked for only a few seconds until I heard the giggles and then saw the fear in her eyes only when I approached the scene of destruction. She was fine - thanks to a small, lightweight tree with few ornaments hanging from its artificial branches. Tis the season, to be thankful and grateful for the small things including small accidents. I should know she cant resist something sparkly.

No Worry Beef Curry

This morning, before the sun has even come up, Noah is teaching Emily something Kam and I never could(would) how to make Arm-Pit Farts! Yes, this is what passes as educational in our house on any given day. Noah is overly proud of his new found skill and walks around the house showing off this "talent" while giving Emily encouragement and instruction on how to do the same. Wonderful! What a bunch of monkeys we're raising.

Happy Thanksgiving

We stuffed ourselves like the bird! It was wonderful and fun and loud. It was so rowdy in my house that Paul got a black eye and wasn't certain which little granddaughter did it to him. I took photographic evidence of the damage to his face with staged a encounter between us to make it seem as if I socked him with my fist. After all, I told him, if he's gonna get beat up by a girl, it should be one closer his own size.

Food, fighting, dinner, dessert, conversations and chaos: it's all apart of what we are thankful for, family.

Am I a helicopter?

I just finished reading an article titled,

"Helicopter Horror Stories"

from a scholastic teacher edition magazine. This was after I had Noah's parent teacher conference last night. Noah is doing amazingly well for having such a rough start to the year. He got some 5 A's and 1 B. Afterschool tutoring, with Mr. Bill, does as much to improve his confidence as it does his grades. Kam and I were speechless by his high marks. We knew he had improved, but still surprised to see all those A's. Anyway, while in the meeting last night, Noah's teacher implied, more than once, that it was me that had a problem with adjustment and wanted Noah to be a perfectionist. I was shocked. And then I was angry. She really doesn't know me or Noah. There are 2 perfectionists in our house and they are both male. After Noah left her classroom on the first day and came home crying that he wasn't smart enough or ready to be in 3rd grade, I wrote her a note asking for her help to encourage him and like I had, assure him he would do well in her class. She dismissed my fears and said that she understood it was easy to overreact when our 1st born children overreact. Seriously, she was giving me the psych 101 lesson on parenting. I let the comment go at the beginning of the school year, as I thought it would be a bad idea to alienate his teacher. But last night I had to tell her I thought she was dead wrong about my intentions. I don't hover! I don't put my worries on my kid. He has his own worries, and with a demanding curriculum that asks the kids to do timed exams once a week - I think the pressure comes from class, not me or Kam even.

This is one of Noah's sample multiple choice math questions:
The sum of two numbers is 35. Their difference is 9. What are the numbers?
Please leave a comment if you can, how long does it take you to answer this question?

Maybe I am a helicopter parent, but I'm no math whiz - I didn't know the answer!

Women's Advent Tea

Last night my church hosted it's first Women's Advent Tea. Everyone who attended either brought a dessert or decorated a table. I invited my neighbor and friend, Charlene to come with me and when we walked in the fellowship hall I was amazed at the beauty of the usually plain room. It was glowing. Each of the nearly dozen tables was decorated with beautiful linens and china and unique centerpieces. There was candlelight shining against the dimly lit room and light classical music in the background. There were desserts enough to fill a bakery shop and conversation and prayer that enlivened and elevated the evening to more than a cold, dark and quiet Sunday evening would suggest.

I am uplifted!

I am filled with the grace of God and happy to be given another day to make the most of my time by working toward a better life for my family.

I don't know where that came from but I really am feeling some sort of sublime calm that is lifting my spirits and confidence. The smart ass side of me wants to explain this feeling away as a chemical imbalance -a monthly struggle I endure in the course of being female. But my spiritual self, the side of me that is growing and being nurtured as I grow older recognizes what's been a part of my life for, ...well, my entire life, and believes this is divinely inspired. I was singing Sinead O'Conner's Psalm 33 from her album Theology last night before I went to bed. What I love about that song (psalm) is that it comes from a singer who, 20 years ago, was considered by many, including myself, to be a skin-head, alt singer. Now she is an ordained minister in her church and sings about God. I feel that's who I've become as well.

My cousin Jen sent me a christian cd, and Kam and I were listening to it. I feel the more I put positive, useful things into my body;whether its vegetables in my stomach, uplifting music to make me dance and sing, television that isn't harmful(though I still love my trashy reality TV), the healthier I will be, the happier I will become.

Well, this much I'm sure: either I'm delusional, or divinely inspired. I'm okay with it either way.

We're Going to the Chapel

I love weddings!!
I want to get married all over again just so I can have an excuse to buy a pretty dress, eat yummy cake, wear flowers in my hair, and dance the night away. Once isn't enough and since my 10 year anniversary is in 6 months I think its my duty to try and convince my husband that he feels the same way. Ha! Yeah, like that would happen

The kids and I went to a wedding last weekend, and as usual, something unexpected and funny happened. The newly appointed pastor kept referring to the groom as "Scott" and his name is Carl. Finally when instructed to repeat the vow, " I Scott, take you Jenna..." the groom corrected him in a restrained cry, " I CARL take you Jenna.." There were snickers throughout the sanctuary. And then when it was Jenna's turn to declare her love she paused, looked out to all of us seated in our assigned rows and laughed a little, then began to cry and declared, " I cant do this!" Everyone was silent for a minute, not sure what would happen next when the red faced pastor blurted out, more severely than I'm sure he intended to, " I Jenna..!" and as if snapping out of a trance, she dutifully repeated the lines and everyone began to cry along with the overwhelmed bride. It was glorious!

Afterward, as everyone was leaving the church we were handed a small bottle of bubbles to blow at the newly married couple. Everyone was handed bubbles -including my children. Can you guess what happened next? Imagine an overexcited 8 year old with a bottle of open bubble water, a flower girl with a dress as gorgeous and long as the brides and no one, including me paying any attention whatsoever to these cute little people. It was so hectic that I didn't see what happened, but Noah's tone and statement said it all. "I didn't mean to spill it all down the flower girl's dress", he quietly pleaded for my understanding. Yep, I love weddings, there something for everyone to enjoy; whether it's a slip of the tongue during a sacred ceremony, the drama of an overwhelmed bride, or the mishaps that occur when parents aren't watching their kids ( my mom of the year award slipping through my tightened grasp!). Who says they don't prepare us for marriage? Maybe I should skip the ceremony again, and just buy a pretty dress and wear it around the house dancing to music as I do dishes. Kam would go for that!

Veterans Day- 3rd grade style

After a school wide program to bring awareness to, and respect for men and women who have served in our military, Noah's classmate was asked, "So, what is a veteran?" To which the little boy responded, "Someone who works with animals"

You can't make this stuff up!

Halloween? Or Election Time!

When asked if we had carved pumpkins or decorated for Halloween, Noah told his friends father, "No, we've been voting lately"

Yeah he won!

Yeah We won!

The Lady in Red (Im not)

Kam took this video from my camera- I thought he was preparing to take a picture only!

Yep, I'm a dork with a green plastic hair clip and Noah and Emily play with their toes.

Not just another political statement

This is for Mollie!
(the lapel pin reads, "OMG, I'm the new Elle Woods)

Pictures from a busy weekend

We saw some strange...

and some amazing sights while in "the City" this past weekend.



I let the you decide for yourself.

10,000 McCainiacs

http://www.mccainfreewhitehouse.org/

Presidential Polling

While there is no point in this poll, since we get calls and I see results of daily polling on the news, I thought I would do a little research poll of my own. I have asked 4 children ages 3-10 who they would vote for, if they could, in the upcoming presidential election. Here are my results:

Emily- age 3 would vote for Tracey Turnblatt ( from the movie Hairspray)
Madison- age 4 would vote for her best friend Roni from daycare
Noah- age 8 would vote for Barack Obama
McKenzie- age 9 would vote for nobody- "I don't like neither"
Desirae- age 10 would vote for McCain- "McCain seems more skilled, he would be better to us"

I'm listening while the older 3 kids play the wii, and discuss what they have heard about the candidates and they are using words like abortion, creating jobs, and war. And while the girls feel sure Obama supports abortions, Noah tries to defend Obama saying he think they just said that on a McCain commercial.

My Political Future

It's Time for Pie

Yummmmmm, it's time for apple pie.
I made 6 pies today.
A tradition my husband refuses to let me off the hook with this one. He loves them and places his order a month in advance. For Kam, it's a marriage enhancer. I have few talents, and even fewer that he will brag about, but baking- and pie making in particular, well, he generously applauds my efforts. Figuratively speaking. Can you imagine getting a standing ovation for the food you feed your family? The idea cracks me up. Usually its grimaces and groans as Noah tries to hide a veggie he doesn't want to eat. Emily is more upfront. She will just open her mouth wide, declares "YUCK" and spits her food up. Lovely. But Kam is easy to please. Give him something good to eat, and fun between the sheets and he is a happy man. So thats my recipie for a happy marriage. Easy, peasy.

Getting comfortable

I think everyone should have a "comfort object". Mine has been, and sometimes continues to be ( to my own detriment) food. Noah has his "holy" blanket- a name I adore but realize has no religious meaning but just easier to spell for a 3rd grader. Kam has his barbecue chips and on line baseball gaming and Emily....well, she hasn't really decided on one particular thing that gives her a sense of well-being. Besides me. So I laughed when she asked me if she was a baby. I told her that she is a big girl and while this assurance made her supremely happy she said, "but when I become a baby I have a "suckifier". Yep, Em, when you were a baby you used a pacifier, but you don't anymore. To this she told me that she wants to be able to have a suckifier when she becomes a baby again. For now it's a stuffed dog and cat that she carries around with her named Emily and Noah. Too cute!

Bionicle, Barbie, and Barack

Instead of making calls as a local volunteer for the Barack Obama campaign,or feigning interest in my son's latest bionicle creation, I did something unprecedented: I watched Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper. No, not by myself, but with a very eager three year old. And you know what? It wasn't so bad. Sad, right? I know, I know. Based on the story by Mark Twain, I have to say it was fairly engaging and had the added bonus of being a musical. The hollow looking eyes and vacant expressions kinda freak me out. Barbie is, after all, a doll. Yet you would think animators could imbue these characters with more human like qualities. Of course, none of this matters to Emily. She loves all the Barbie movies. And so, it was with this in mind that I finally gave in, and sat down next to her while she sang along to the catchy tunes. I found myself smiling, and with days filled with "To-Do" lists, laundry to be washed, food to be prepared, bills to write, errands to run, etc etc.it's nice to find something that makes me smile. Even if it's watching my daughter watch Barbie. Sometimes, I'm learning, happiness comes from the most unexpected sources.

Paint myself into a corner

So I've decided that my bad attitude could only be fixed by doing a few things. One is retail therapy, but since I dont have the cash, I cant do that. Bummer. The second thing is working at a project. So with this in mind I took the kids to the home improvement store and let them pick out a color so I can repaint their bedroom. While it has helped me to feel better ( a new color = a new me)???? I think I might just regret letting a 3 year old and 8 year old pick the color. The brightest shades of green/blue and pink are now being applied to our walls. When I am finished I will take a picture because words fail to adequately describe the visual experience. The kids love it, and I'm taking out frustrations less on my husband and more on the rooms. And that's all that really matters.

Crafty and Creative

I'm beginning to see a theme emerge in my life. Whenever I get frustrated, moody, or depressed even, I know there is one thing that will bring me joy; food! Wait, no, I meant to type, CRAFTS! Yes, give me a some paint brushes, a piece of wood, fabric or paper and I can transport myself to a much happier place. Finding my creative spirit always improves my mood- if not exactly setting the world on fire by my artistry. I suppose that's why I enjoy writing as well. I have a deep urge to create something, something meaningful and lasting. Well, meaningful to me, not profound but always personal. While visiting my grandparents, nearly 20 years ago I saw a sculpture in Palm Desert gallery that read, The Best Art Thrills the Heart Around my house the best art consists of crayon drawings and lego pieces made into Bionicles.

Time Flies

The saying is true. Time does indeed fly when "yer havin' fun". I've discovered that time flies no matter what is keeping you busy, whether there's any fun happening or not. I've realized a few other things in the past week. Bed sheets aren't meant to last 8 years, they will eventually become threadbare. On the bright side, the holes make good places to hide your toes when they are cold! Also, when one member of your family shows signs of poison ivy on their skin, it's only a matter of time before everyone else in the house gets it too. Good idea to get extra medicine instead of visiting the pediatrician twice and your PCP. Save your time and money on co-pays and everyone start on the steroids and cream asap. Let's see, what else? Fish really do need to get fed more than once a week. Dogs will eat anything that falls on the floor, whether edible or not and my children really do get brown from the sun. I told Emily she looks like a coffee bean. Truly, she does!

What are you doing awake?

Again, its after 1:00 am and I think I should view this time with more possibilities. After all, I could get a lot of laundry done. I could watch all of those episodes of Nip/Tuck I've borrowed. I could wash the floors, walls, dishes, etc.. but lets not get crazy with the idea of cleaning. I could take up a hobby, say, needle point! Wait! No, that could be dangerous. Instead of all of that, I'm trying in vain to sleep with my sore neck and tingly fingers. I've also done a great service in killing the worlds largest 20 legged bug I've ever seen. ICK! A cup of hot tea, a nice story and somewhere around 5 am ( just like last night) my body and brain will give in and I will be fast asleep. I've decided not to fight it. There are plenty of other battles on the horizon for me.

Who are you willing to fail in front of?

I don't mind exposing my flaws and laughing about them. I may seem like an open book, but I'm more like a teenagers obsolete diary. Stories hidden behind lock and key of a pretty flower print journal. I'm unwilling to share those things which hurt to admit. I recently confided in a good friend. There aren't many people I'm willing to fail in front of. At least not so openly as I did today. Its 1:00 am and I have insomnia ~ surprise ~ again for the millionth time in my life. I have forgotten phone calls to return, laundry to wash, appointments to keep. But those tasks will have to wait 'til morning. They aren't responsible for this alert agitation I feel. What will tomorrow bring? If I had a crystal ball I wouldn't worry so much. But then again, that never seems to help those who live in fairy tales.

Swimming on a Saturday night

I had the enjoyable experience of a midnight swim with old friends on Saturday night. It was quiet and warm and we were lounging around in the water when it began to rain. The raindrops felt cold on my neck and gave me goose bumps. It was beautiful and serene and fun all in the same moment.

Overheard

Around my house - depending on the time of day - you can hear many different sounds. If someone even passes by with another dog you can be sure Chauncy will announce the intrusion to the world until threatened with death. The phone rings and unless a name I recognize appears on the caller ID you can be sure my answering machine will pick up. The recorded message is typically from an electronic voice asking to speak with Kam "N. G.". DELETE! Today Geoffery from Toys R Us ( the ugly stuffed giraffe) called to wish Noah a happy birthday and to encourage him to drag his parents over and spend all of their money - ahem, I mean - to buy him a much deserved gift in the form of some useless plastic toy. DELETE! The baby monitor in Emily's room has, for three years now, amplified daily tantrums,arguments and defiance. DISCONNECT! However, it's makes great spy equipment! Will definitely keep for future eavesdropping. The attic fan clunks, clocks tick, the dishwasher hums ( thanks to a brand new model, unlike our old one from 1978 which sounded more like a airplane before takeoff), and the dryer beeps. Kam belches, Puddin snores, and Emily lets em rip without modesty or embarressment. In fact, the only thing that doesnt make a sound is the fish. Now there's a pet I can really appreciate.

Party Planning

Some people are super organized.
Some people use palm pilots, iphones, organizers ( Kam, Mollie and others, you know who you are you freakish task masters)
Some people like to have things neat and orderly.
And then there are people like me.



I plan parties w/paper plates!
Ta Da!

Continuing Adventures in Babysitting

Madison and McKenzie's dad has lost his job. So, for now, my career as a professional babysitter is over. Since the girls live only 2 houses down, I doubt we will go more than 24 hours without having one of them at my door and vis versa. I feel badly at feeling so relieved I wont be seeing them tomarrow at 7 am.

Bummed, Burned, and Banged Up

Let's just say it's been a bad day.

I try to work hard around the house:inside, outside, upside down. And in my professional opinion I do my job well;especially considering the compensation sucks! Kam actually took his finger and swiped the top of the hutch here at the computer desk this morning and said, "we have to dust". We? I almost spit out. We? Really? Translation "McGee, when was the last time you cleaned?" I spent the morning in the back yard trimming shrubs and trees, until something flew at me and stuck in my arm, pulling it out made it bleed but only enough that the little girls were fascinated with my "Boo-Boo". Noah yelled at me and raised his fists when I wouldn't give him something he demanded.That was after picking him up 10 minutes late from his art class and for that indefensible crime I "owed" him. Madison burst into tears when I scolded her for riding her bike in the middle of the road, later swearing she would never ride her bike with us again. McKenzie rolled her eyes at me when I tried to explain that I couldn't allow her to play in the "big" pool at the club because I had 4 kids to keep my eyes on and 3 don't know how to swim. She stubbornly refused to see my point of view and said if she couldn't go in the big pool she didn't want to go at all. This started a lot of whining and "c'mon mom"'s. Emily woke up from her afternoon nap yelling and crying out of control. No matter what I tried to do to comfort her she raged that she wanted her daddy as she threw herself to the floor, kicking and screaming. At this point I knew that I would have been better off had I not got out of bed this morning. Ever had one of those days? I've had a few recently. I'm trying to see the glass 1/2 full. But what I see is instead are the demands of those who don't notice me. They notice what I don't give them or do for them, but I don't think they see me. If they did they might notice that I haven't brushed my hair in a while. Or that I wear my uniform of t-shirts and shorts and tennies each day. They might see the circles under my eyes. How do people with more than 2 children do this job? I suck at this! Big Time!

Two of a Kind

We are so tired around here even the stuffed animals need a nap apparently!
As if life weren't busy enough, we now have Chauncy to take care of while Mollie and her family are in San Jose. He's a good dog - he just takes up a lot of space. In case you cant tell, Emily is the one with the insect bitten swollen eye.

Ready, Set, No!

I'm doing so much "running around" with the kids this summer, Im contemplating getting my chauffer's license. Well, not really. Today I dropped off the two older kids to school, took the little girls to the salon with me for my appointment, back to school to pick up Noah after art class, then to the library for story time, then to McD's to play, and back to school once more to pick up McKenzie, before bringing all four home to have lunch. After lunch it was time to play with the two dogs outside while I grabbed a bite for myself and cleaned up,and back inside where they all finger painted...everything, including the table, chairs, floor, bathroom fictures and themselves.

Finally the time has arrived - my favorite time of day - QUIET TIME!

And while this may come as a surprise, the only part of the day I would have changed was the storyteller at the library. Dressed in her overalls and pig tails, she spoke with a saccharine tone, repeating the phrase, "Okay boys and girls..." after each sentence. As in, "Who would like to have a dinosaur for a pet boys and girls?" And, " Okay boys and girls, who would like to dance with a dinosaur?" ACK!!!

Opposite Day

Dinner time was noisy and fun, as usual, with some unique ideas presented to us by Noah. What if, he wondered out loud, we had opposites day! He could be Emily and call her "brother" and she could refer to him as "sister". This idea was so well liked by our son that he said Kam and I could switch roles for one day. " Mom would be dad and get to yell all day, and dad would garden all day, put on lip gloss and go to the video store".

It's amazing what we learn about ourselves as seen through children's eyes.

Happy 4th of July

Today is the most beautiful, perfect day! I hope everyone is enjoying it as much as we are.

Video Games II

On Second Thought,

Maybe yesterday's rant was a bit extreme.

Its not as if I believe that by playing violent video games, my son will become an axe murderer or grow up without a conscience. I do think that those types of games send a mixed signal. I do think that if played too much ( what is too much? I guess each parent decides what that is) that there can be negative consequences. Even if just means that kids aren't getting enough exercise because they prefer to get lost in the gaming. Or that kids forget how to speak in clear sentences or are short tempered if interrupted...this happens all the time here. What scares me, is the intensity with which the kids play and focus on the game, the winning, the points, the action. I never see that sort of focus on anything else.

Even Noah's friend who was over yesterday( one of the nicest boys I've ever met) shoved Emily pretty hard, knocking her over, while they were playing. She wanted to play too. She was in the way. I understand that. This is a boy who picks her up and carries her around. He usually holds her hand and loves her in the sweetest innocent way that I swear if I could arrange a future marriage between them, I probably would. After seeing him do that I just walked over, turned the TV off and said, "You're Done!" And Noah was mortified. He pleaded with me, he gave me intense, angry looks that told me I was the worst mother alive. And I was fine with that. I had seen enough, heard enough and more than that, I was confused. I didnt know whether I was angry with his friend for shoving Emily, angry with myself for not finding another activity for them, angry with the game, or that I have to monitor all of it.

Life would be so much easier if I could just throw it in the garbage.

Video Games

This is not a impartial point of view. In fact I cant overstate how much I abhor video games. I hate them! I hate that Noah, like nearly every American child, loves to play video games. And he isn't particular. It can be a DS, Wii, playstation of xbox.....if it has color graphics, a controller and he can stare at the screen, he's one happy camper. So his friend is over right now and with him he brought his new wii game called Links Crossbow Training. In the directions on how to play there is section titled "Advice" Attack Quickly and Accurately;Use Exploding Arrows...(you can) take out a lot of enemies in a single shot. When you have many enemies gathered in one area, take aim and blast the bunch of them.Shoot Lots of Things. Enemies...aren't the only things you can shoot. See what else you can shoot for points.

This is what is printed, a page away from the warning that video games cause seizures or blackouts in 1 out of every 4000 people,and with the added information that you should play in a well lit room, with a small screen, not tired and take 10 minutes breaks for every hour of play. Parents are advised to watch their children while they play and look for signs of fatigue, numbness in limbs, eye strain, eye or muscle twitching, loss of awareness and convulsions.

I am so horrified by a game rated E for everyone where you hit a rabbit with a carrot until he "falls asleep" with the prompts of a slowly heartbeat, and the words on the screen that read, "Hit Harder" after each swipe you take. I cant beleive I am the only parent who finds this troubling. Am I crazy or are we teaching our kids its okay to be violent? That there are no repercussions ( but bonus points for good aim)? I am angry. I am sick to my stomach. I dont like this one bit.

What Do you Know?

written by kadi prescott @ kadiprescott.blogspot.com

You know you're in serious trouble when you go looking for your missing child and he is out front, trying to buy a popsicle from the ice cream man, with your credit card.

You know you're screwed when your kids can team up to distract you, while one kid steals the good snacks from the pantry.

You know you've got problems when your daughter calls the wine "coffee" because you put both in a to go mug and carry it around wherever you go.

You know you need to work out when your kids nickname you "jiggly butt."

You know you're a bad parent when your 2 year old learns to diaper himself because he's so sick of waiting an hour to be changed.

You know you're addicted when your daughter tells her teacher that mommy loves her blog more than her kids.

You know you're doomed when the kids figure out that Santa isn't real and that they can be bad and still get presents because you can't keep track of who's been naughty and nice.

You know you're a mom when you go out in public, alone, and guys stare at you. Not because you're hot, but because you're wearing Barbie hair clips that you let the girls put in while playing beauty shop. Cute.

You know you're destined for the parenting hall of shame when you give your kids a death threat and they laugh hysterically.

You know you're a sorry excuse for a mom when your kids remember each other's names, birthdays and food allergies, but you cannot even recognize their faces in the school pick up line.

You know you need help when you end every day thinking, "Maybe tomorrow I'll figure out this whole parenting thing.

You know you're psycho when you write about all of the above in a blog for the world to read and expect them to laugh with you, not call CPS.

Canada Here We Come

YEAH, WE ARE INVITED BACK

And I cant wait to get there and spend a long weekend roaming the beaches, berry picking at the local farms and walking through the quaint town of Bayfield. Our friend Maureen is so generous with her house. She is even letting us bring Puddin' along. The kids will collect several pounds of rocks, we will walk miles of beautiful beach and for only the second time ever, Kam will be able to share in the experience with the kids and me.

Out of the Fryer and into...

I cant believe it's been nearly a week since I last posted. Had I mentioned how tired I've been? Or that my body refuses to sleep more than 2 hours at a time? Or that mind races with stupid "to do" lists all night long but yet during the daylight hours completely forget what those pressing things are? Did I mention I've taken on double the number of children I usually hold hostage during the week? Did I mention that I gained 2o lbs this winter and stilll haven't lost them? How is it I lose all the important stuff but when it comes to weight it just sits on my hips and taunts me with it's permanence? Did I mention how mortified/humiliated/depressed/outraged I am by that confession?

My body betrays me in the most obvious of ways. And weight is only one. I'm also a terrible liar. Just ask Kam. He begins laughing before I even have finished whatever covert action I try to deny. My face breaks out in pimples right before every period and when I'm angry or disappointed I lose the ability to see any point of view but my own. I am a traitor to my self.

What is the point of this rambling? Im not sure except inspite of all this, I have been having a much better week than last. Routine is setting in around our house and that keeps everyone calm and happy. Mostly me.

A Weekend of Surprises

While I was thrilled the weekend was here, so I could take a deep breath and only keep one eye open while taking care of my own kids I turn around yesterday morning and what do I see? I see 2 little girls walking over my lawn and into my house asking to play with my kids. WTF??? Can you believe while I had to deal with the constant cries of, " I want to go home" all last week, they end up back at my door, playing hide and seek in my house on a Sunday while their parents ARE HOME. Apparently one day apart was all it took for the four kids to realize how boring their lives are without eachother. CRAZY!!!!

We did other things to, Noah scored 2 goals in the last game of the season, Emily caught a butterfly a in water pitcher, and she helped her dad bathe a very stinky dog.

This is why they call it Hump Day

Today was our 2nd day of Vacation Bible School and my 3rd day of career babysitting. I played the part of Candy Shopkeeper in the Biblical Marketplace. It was a lot of fun. 60 kids weaved in and out of my shop while I presented a "presentation" both dramatic and candy coated. I am so tired I can barely see straight. Madison and Emily fell asleep 20 minutes before it was time to go home, so Noah and McKenzie and I were forced to stay an hour longer until the little girls woke up before coming home. While everyone is having a great time ( with a few melt downs in between) the 4 are most challenged by just being around each other for 10 hours a day. Arguments are breaking out left and right between them and it seems like I spend the last 2 hours of the "work day" trying to establish peace and find quiet activities each can do without the other. Emily, the youngest of the four kids, had Madison, the 4 year old, in tears a few minutes ago. Her size and cuteness is just a guise with which she hides the determination and stubborness. Did I mention I'm exhausted? I hear some yelling outside once again, apparently Im not the peace broker I think I am.

Killer Headache

For anyone who lives in the Midwest as I do you know what a blessing and a nightmare spring is. We buy tissue in bulk, drink copious amounts of liquid antihistamine and put cold compresses on our foreheads daily. Today is my turn apparently to feel like shit. It hurts to keep my eyes open, and since my job requires me having "eyes in the back of head" along with the red, itchy ones up front, I am suffering. Any suggestions for headache relief? Ive tried caffeine, over the counter meds, and an ice pack - nothings touching this one. Please leave a comment with your brilliant ways to relieve the hammering in my head!!!

Citizen of the Year

Unfortunately Noah didn't win Citizen of the Year. He was bummed but because no one knew of his aspirations he felt okay to share his disappointment with me. A private defeat is not as difficult as a public one. I sometimes wonder how politicians feel, putting so much time and effort into campaigning and to have every aspect of their lives scrutinized until voting time. Does it feel like a popularity contest only? How do you cope when it appears you lost because you aren't as well liked as the someone else running against you? Can you say you don't care what people think about you if you are a politician when so much you yourself is put out their for people to critique in the first place?

I am far to thin skinned to run for anything. Even in 2nd grade I would never have been brave enough to want to be voted Citizen of the Year. I am proud of Noah for being honest enough to admit he wanted something and was working toward it. And I'm even more amazed and proud that he doesn't fall apart when things don't work out his way. He accepts his loss with grace and to Grace. She is a sweet girl who we've known since the kids were 2 years old. Even Noah couldn't object to her winning. Well, not too much anyway. He thought she was also deserving, "for a girl".

It's 3 am,can't sleep, again....

Its 3:00am and I am wide awake, as usual. I don't know why, but at 1:00am I sit up in my bed with my mind racing ( unless of course I take meds , but they make it hard to function in the daytime)So here I sit, awake for just over 2 hours now and I am tired of watching tv, tired of listening to my dog breathing, my husband snoring and I don't want to eat *shocker!* God but I'm tired, I just want to sleep but since I cant I want to hear this song. If you haven't listened to it you really should check this out by John Mayer,
"Stop This Train"

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

(think I got 'em now)

Flyin' High

It's official, schools out for summer! Thanks to Mr. Bill, Noah's 2nd grade teacher and Official Knower of All Things, decided the kids should go fly a kite. He meant it in a nice way too.


Yesterday was Noah's last day extravagaza of activities and food to make even the most seasoned partier dizzy from excess. After bags of candy that could rival any halloween party, hot dogs, juice boxes, water balloon games, tree climbing, cake and ice cream, 2nd grade ended on a warm, sunny and hyper note of celebration.



After the festivities we came home and I proceeded to put the babysitter promptly to work ( thank you tv) and lay down on the couch for a nap that resembled more of a coma. With the school year over and summer just begun, I think it might take a few naps to catch up and keep up with my kids....not to mention the neighbor girls who will be here 7am-5pm Mon-Fri. Lord Help Me!

Art in America

I love the cover of this months Art in America magazine. Kam subscribes to this because he thinks that my copies of InStyle, OK, and Redbook are making me far to knowledgeable about pop culture and less informed about real culture. So while I may not read the article about Art and Politics, at least I look at the pretty pictures . And share them too!

Gas for 99 cents?

YES WAY!!!!
Our local news station reported on a gas station a mere 10 miles away that would be selling gas for .99 cents from 7am -11am today. Thank you BP Gas Station. Kam says Im crazy to go there and wait in line and possible use up all the gas in the tank while waiting just to fill up but I am to excited to see the possible logic in that.
Found the kung fu pics of my kids and I trying to do our martial arts on eachother. Who knew a animated flick could inspire such flailing and thrashing about from this family? It takes so little to amuse us!!( notice the painted finger nails? Thats my boy!)

Kung Fu Crazy

I'm not funny. I realized this while trying to tell the unlikely story of our adventure while seeing Kung-Fu Panda on Saturday. So I wont write ..or focus as my husband sees me staring blankly at our television which is showing the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. ...what is happening to me? My brain is turning to mush.
Okay brain - engage- there are more posts to come - when I can I will write about:
1. Flip Flop Love( Emily's idea of a safe marriage)
2. Uniform Protest(names will be changed to protect the guilty)
3. Kung Fu Kids ( pictures to accompany)

Inspiri-ng my ass: I'm too tired!

My house is a wreck. Kam is in a building mood and has been at it for a few days now, while the unfinished work lies on the floors around our feet. It's like a game of American Gladiator just to see who can reach the kitchen from the family room in under 2 minutes. Noah is at school for the final Monday of 2nd grade. He is really excited about trying to get student of the year. I am concerned this isn't happening for him, but he seems so certain that he has a good chance of being selected by his peers and teacher that he cant imagine a scenario where he isn't awarded with this honor. I find myself holding my breath and making tiny bargains with God. Not that I believe God can be swayed, or cajoled but ya never know......it cant hurt to offer a little prayer ( bribe) up to heaven to help Noah's chances. After all I have to let him fail(or not) - but that doesn't mean I don't want to throw a mattress underneath to catch his fall so it hurts less. Yesterday I found Noah on the landing to the steps and he was staring at the ceiling with a troubled look so I sat down and asked him what he was thinking about. He didn't look me in the eyes as he told me that Time for Kids magazine said that Antarctica was melting and in 10 years it will have melted to such a degree that Noah feared for all humanity because we would be swept away in the flood it created. These are his words, and his worries and I find myself confused and confounded by the depth of his concern. I tried to reassure him that this was speculation and that if indeed the article said the melting of Antarctica would cause flooding in the world that "all of humanity" isn't in danger of being wiped out. He said," No mom, I have a bad feeling that this will happen". So the best I could do was assure him that his dad and I would protect him and that we had to look on the bright side of things: we have 10 years to solve this problem and that scientists and children like him could come up with a solution to global warming or whatever is causing this to happen and help our environment. He felt better and finally I got him laughing and forgetting his worries - for a while anyway. Sometimes I think Noah is a 70 year old man trapped in a 7 year olds body.

Wrappin Weenies

I have 45 minutes until I have to be at church for the annual weenie wrap. This has become a tradition in the past 6 years since we began an Children's Nurture All Church Brunch on Sunday to thank all those people who have volunteered their time with the program throughout the school year, and to recruit for the up coming year. Nothing like stuffing folks full of treats to make the amenable to working with children for free! So you would think the big deal is the Sunday Brunch - which it is- except that it's the Saturday weenie wrap that is the cog in the wheel of success. HA, that doesn't even make sense, does it? The gist is this: a few of us get together at church with some good tunes, choice of caffeinated beverage and wrap ONE THOUSAND weenies! No exaggeration. Those weenies are gobbled up faster than we can make them. They are the hit of the brunch and the one time we veered off course to try something else - the brunch and Sunday school recruitment suffered for it!So I'm off to church with cookie sheets, cup o joe, ipod and docking station. Here's to another great church brunch!

Going Green

It's all over the news, on reality shows, even daytime soap operas are touting the benefits ( and demonstrating the trendiness) of "going green". It seems like everywhere I turn I get bombarded with ways I can save the environment. And that's great. I mean, everyone I know wants to find ways to save money, be more efficient, and waste less. I've been hearing a phrase I've never heard before, something about not leaving a "footprint". It's all good stuff, as far as I can tell. It's made me aware of the number of bags I use to bring home my groceries in ( now I use the canvas totes you can buy at just about any grocer), it's also made me re-think the bottled water we used to consume in truck loads. Since September Noah and Emily have their individual water bottles they carry with them to school, practices, games and other outings. This summer Kam and Noah are building a large compost bin to put our organic waste and lawn clippings into, and I am looking into purchasing a Community Supported Agriculture(CSA) subscription. While buying produce this way is expensive because you pay a large sum of money up front, you get the benefit of buying organic, local produce, and if you want to you can contribute to the farming of the veggies too. My friend Elizabeth, who is the coolest hippie chick I know, told me about her experience with a local farm co-op, and helped me look into it. I think this is an especially good ideas since Kam read this news headline to me this morning,"Tomatoes linked to salmonella outbreak reported in 9 states." Very Scary! Since I've been gardening crazy lately I have planted a few veggies, so on second thought I'm just going to buy some more and be my own grower this season. In the past, if I can grow it the deer end up eating much of for themselves. Maybe I can find some creative ways to get them to share with the farmer this year.

Orthodontics are our Future

UGH!
Yesterday I took a impromptu trip to our dentist when Emily began crying about something in her tooth and I could see redness but couldn't seem to do anything to help her. A short drive, a long wait and 2 x-rays later showed that she didn't in fact have anything stuck in her scratched and bleeding gum, but something much worse. The technical jargon escapes memory, but what I'm left with is a basic impression that thousands of dollars will be necessary to correct the problem of what I can only call: crooked jaw, crooked teeth, cross bite, confusion. Her bite is so off center, so misaligned that she apparently chipped one tooth when she bit down and it hit the bottom tooth. Then when she instinctively tried to correct that bite she caused a small tear in her gum line. The good news (a silver lining?) is that with improvements in dentistry she wont require surgery, but can be fitted with some contraption that lengthens the jaw when you turn a key. Can you believe that? That was the extent of the good news. Some time later we walk out with referrals, follow -up appointments and the advice of my dentist to start a orthodontic fund for my children ASAP, 'cause we're gonna need it. Apparently unless you are willing to give up the kids college fund or take out a second mortgage you have little in the way of options when it comes to paying for the astronomical costs of fitting and maintaining braces, headgear's and contraptions with keys. Just when the student loans got paid off too. DAMN! I'm getting a headache just thinking about this.

And I remember when I thought the worse thing about braces was smiling with metal teeth.

Chicken Hammer, please!

Emily loves food. She eats almost everything I put in front of her with the occasional "YUCK!" thrown in between. Based on my limited information and experience, this is kind of unique. Where Noah lived on pb and j sandwiches for 2 years Emily will try any cuisine; spicy noodles, tofu, couscous..whatever, she's usually game. And so I had to laugh as we sat at the dinner table last night and she asked for a chicken hammer(drumstick). Noah laughed til his nostril were flaring, and eyes were weeping. I popped up to get the video camera to save it for posterity while Kam proceeded to withhold the food until she asked for it, again,for the 5th time, just so we could capture the moment. My recommendation - don't make a hungry 3 year old wait for/and request her food several times over - it wasn't so cute and no one was laughing by the time I hit record.

Bipolar or Just Plain Crazy?

It's a scary place to be, in my house today. It started before my eyes were even open. I had kids on top of me screaming and demanding and breaking the peace of what would have been a beautiful morning. I have not gotten my prescription of xanax renewed in a while and I thought I could handle that. Obviously not. Its strange admitting to my dependence on a chemical substance, " Hello, my name is McGee and its been 36 days since I last popped a xanax" It's not a cure all, it can't help me in many ways. I don't worry about everything any less and it can't make the kids stop screaming, but it helps me stop. That's responsible pill popping I think! But then again, it's not like I am dependent on this to function day to day. It takes the extraordinary bad day and make it bearable for my family to live with me. I'm surprised my husband doesn't have the pharmacy number ready to speed dial on his cell phone. But he doesn't and he never knows what to make of those crazy looks I give him that plead for understanding to simply take the kids away for a few short hours. I have to spell it out or more accurately he hears me screaming at one of the kids and ambles in the room and inquires, "everything okay in here?" He's assaulted with a barrage of voices all at once trying to explain that, "No, everything isn't okay, that mom is about to lose her mind and please help!" What he seems to hear is white noise so he just yells for everyone to stop yelling and go to their rooms. Me included. Well not really, but I wish I could be sent to my room, alone, but that never happens. I realize I share everything in my world with the kids and Kam. Short of my box of tampons and mascara, whats mine is theirs as well.

Changes

I barely recognize the two of us in this old photo taken in 2001.

The Cleaning Lady

The cleaning lady has been MIA for a while now and I had to get down to business and try to distinguish clean from dirty laundry as it piles in baskets on my bedroom floor. This is my morning. Yeah me. Emily clomps around in high heels she drags from beneath the layers of dust bunnies and dog fur hidden in the bottom of the closet somewhere and I get confused, again, about where I left off in my insurmountable project. This is more than a "calgon, take me away" moment....this is war. Now it's time for a break from the battle as I check my email and find I have a dinner date with an old high school friend who I haven't seen or spoken to since we were 18 years old. I wasn't nervous about this until she wrote today and asked if I was wearing my high school clothes. What does that mean? And I hope she is joking. She mentioned bringing pictures too. Yuck! I can say, with complete certainty that NO ONE wants to see how I looked back in '88. Except for a laugh. Let's see, if I remember correctly,I had long permed hair with big frizzy bangs, oversize white t-shirt with a man's suit jacket ( bought for change at Value Village)rolled at the sleeves, skin tight black leggings and black Chuck Taylor High Tops. The 80's were an interesting fashion decade, with my limited income and love for anything punk and wild, I was an interesting mix of pop culture and fashion victim. So the dinner is in a few hours and now I feel butterflies in my stomach. This is something I wouldn't even bothered with a few years ago, but it's my graduating class' 20 year reunion in a few weeks, and while I am curious, I have no real interest in revisiting that time of my life. So why am I meeting her? I have no idea, except that for a brief yet intense time of my life she was my friend.

Angels and Demons

Most days I am completely and utterly amazed by my children. They are my world! And I know that sounds like something I will need to address in therapy years from now when they've grown and I'm still trying to lure them into staying over or offering to wash their clothes, but I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. For now however, I am thrilled to be their mom and watch them grow and laugh at the incredible silliness and chaos they bring to my life. I've noticed that their relationship to one another is either full of love or fury. They rarely demonstrate and in- between. Love, Hate, Complain, Kiss, Spit, Hug, Confide, Giggle, Hit, Scream, Hit some more....this is the cycle we go through just about every day. My husband and I find them most angelic when they sleep - whereas the daytime brings out the demons in them. Its funniest when they decided to gang up on their parents and "battle" together: dressing in costume to show their solidarity against us. These pics illustrate what I'm talking about. The more I think about it, as much as I adore the angels when they sleep, I think there probably wouldn't exist the harmony if the demons couldn't get out to play during the day.

Under Pressure

Has anyone else felt the pressure to make something so incredible that you knew there was no way you could live up to your own expectations? This is how I viewed my anniversary plans as they were unfolding before me. I planned - for months - my anniversary weekend and when the time and place arrived I was paralyzed - not by fear, but by my own expectations. I made reservations at a ritzy hotel, arranged for a note to be written in chocolate congratulating us on 9 years of marriage, accompanied by a pretty "flower" concoction made entirely of sugar. A bottle of wine and a great meal capped off the night. It was great. Maybe too great. After all this I just wanted to do one thing. You know what I'm going to say, yes, I wanted it! I wanted to do this so badly I could feel it from head to my toes. I undressed, slipped into a newly purchased silk nightie anticipating the moment. Already in bed, Kam waited eagerly. As I slipped under the covers I could feel his his warm body next to mine, making the urge undeniable. I brushed his lips softly with mine, and....... fell asleep. Sadly, the desire for sleep was greater than any romantic fantasy I tried to create. It was, I realized later, the fact that I had tried so hard that created this exhaustion. So while reality is the one thing I tried most to escape ( for 24 hours anyway) it was the only thing my body responded to......at least, right then. HaHaHaHaHa

Happy Anniversary

Today is my 9 year wedding aniversary! YEAH!!!!!
And all I have to show for it is two beautiful children
And a lovely and loving husband
And a demanding labrador retriever

Warning: Eplicit Language May not be appropriate for young readers

It was brought to my attention that I use swear or curse words in my blog! *Gasp* Well what the Hell can I say to that? This is really how I express myself. Besides how objectionable is "damn" and "shit"??? Especially considering I heard these words from a very tender and impressionable young age. I mean, the apple doesn't fall from the tree. Does it mother? Wait, don't answer that. I really do enjoy fooling myself with the belief that I am an individual: shaped not by nurture or nature alone, but by my own absurd world view. I want you also to note that I am an exceptional speller - just not a great typer. Afterall, I reasoned way back in '84, I'm not going to grow up to be a secretary! Lord help me!

A House with a View

With kids in tow, I drove back the 3 1/2 hours it took to get to my friends house in a small Canadian town on Lake Huron yesterday. I was considering a protest - It was beautiful there and I didn't want to come back to reality. But all trips have to end and this mini weekend vacation was no different. We had a great time hanging out with friends, drinking wine and walking on the beach while the kids collected rocks and drift wood. It was glorious. I even napped in the sun - heaven!

I think I've said to much

I had an outer body experience. I was blabbing on and on to a friend and I was thinking, "Shut Up!" to myself. Yet what did I do? I kept right on talking. I just wanted to stop myself, but I couldn't. I don't know why except that I was nervous and it was a serious and personal subject and I kept on and on til I made my point. Sadly the only point I think I made was demonstrating that I don't know when to shut my mouth. This has happened before, whenever I find myself in an uncomfortable position I get nervous and either #1. Say too much or #2 Laugh - neither of which I would recommend. But how do you cope when confronted with anxiety? I mean besides grabbing pills, liquor or food...been there, done that, doesn't help!

Spaghettios Anyone? Yuck!

So my neighbor dropped by to chat with me last night as I was in the front yard gardening. Yep, you read correctly, I am a "Gardener". Every spring I decide it's my calling. At least that's how I see myself before I begin popping the top off the Tylenol bottle and while I where the floppy hat, blue jeans and gloves as I huddle over the dirt and try to squash plants into the earth without killing my back and knees. Getting older sucks....but that's a blog for another time.

Anyway, my neighbor has asked me to care for her two girls for the summer as she and her husband work long days and I am at home tending to my two kiddos, plus our lab, and now, of course, the garden. I am happy to do it, and well, maybe a little crazy, after all four children cant be that much harder than caring for two.....right?!! I said, not much harder, right? I am of course deluding myself I know. I mean parenting your own kids is tough enough but having someone elses children over 50 hours a week might be more than this 30 something SAHM can manage. Good thing I get my xanax in bulk from the pharmacy. But enough about me. My neighbor wanted to go over a few details of our loosely constructed arrangement. For starters, she wanted to know if my kids like Beef-a-roni? and Spahgettios. She was offering to bring over enough for all the kids to eat for lunch. Which, before anyone calls me a snob, yes, was nice of her. That being said: there is no way in HELL that I will feed that crap to my kids. Nope, cant do it! I know I cant be the only mother who refuses to consider junk like that an option. There are so many reasons I wont give that to my kids, but none of them is because I think I am a better parent. In fact I want to declare my mediocrity right here and now. I dont have a degree to back up how I raise my kids, I just go with what feels right. Usually when I make a bad choice I know it, somewhere in the pit of my stomach my body just knows when I've screwed up. And while it may seem like a small thing, nutrition is super important to me. Passing along a healthy attitude toward food and eating is important as well. For anyone who knows me well, you know I lost over 100 lbs and so what we eat and how much is a closely held value in this house. So while I struggled not to object to strenously I found myself offering to cook for her children- as I do for my own. I think I really am losing my mind - why make more work for myself? Ive given it some thought and this is what I know for sure: while the kids may enjoy the canned lunches and it's definately easier to prepare I wouldnt be the true "gardener" I imagine myself to be. I can cultivate healthy eating habits and hopefully a beautiful landscape around my house as well.

A new hair cut / A new me

Well, not really a new me. But the hair cut makes me feel like a new, improved self. I look in the mirror and "Hey, who's that?" looking back at me. I smile, this totally silly grin across my face, like I've got a secret with the person smiling back at me and I know, without a doubt, I've lost my marbles. I didn't have that many to begin with so it's not such a loss. Apparently I'm such a mess that even my stylist, Bianca asked me if I were doing better than the last time I was in ( 5 weeks ago). I stared at her reflection in the mirror - a complete blank - what the heck is she talking about? So it would seem Bianca not only cuts and colors my hair but she is my sounding board for all the craziness I'm feeling when I see her. She's like a therapist with really good taste in clothes and style. Poor girl, I didn't realize I subject her to my ranting and ravings while I get her to do the impossible with my fine, thin hair. I not only look better but I feel better too after I've seen her. Good thing I tip her well!

Reading Frenzy

I usually have a couple of books going but it's gotten out of hand lately. First I have been in this self-help mode since I quit my job reading A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life's Purpose by Ekhart Tolle and The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Both of these have taken quite a long time to finish because I ruminate over the meanings/message hoping that by the end I will have some miraculous inner transformation or greater understanding of ...life. Yeah, well, I'm still waiting for that. In the meantime my sister got me interested in some young adult fiction by Stephenie Meyer called The Twilight Saga. Ive read Twilight and New Moon in a matter of days. She was right on - they are page turners and I didn't want them to end. I've begun book 3 titled, Eclipse. Today I treated myself to yet another Stephenie Meyers book, her first work of adult fiction, The Host. Also, I just finished The Friday Night Knitting Club. This is a chick-lit book that read like the movie Steel Magnolia's except the dialogue's not as sharp or funny. So as I was online browsing I came across this and thought it was a great idea. Check out Chelsie , she is hosting her first contest. A chance to win free books=good. Check it out!

BareNaked Ladies

YEAH!
It's finally here, Snack Time by BNL is out and at Borders. Unfortunately it's not available at Borders Express - where we traveled in the rain today to go get it. Oh well, tomorrow is a good day to trek out to the mall and get their newest CD - a compilation of kids music. I can't wait to hear all the tracks. Kam and I are HUGE fans of the Ladies - their awesome concert at DTE last summer was recorded and put into a live concert DVD titled, Talk to the Hand: Live in Michigan. Another excellent purchase if you are a fan. I am at bit excited can you tell?

Short but Sweet

Each night before dinner we sit down and say a prayer. This is something that we never did regularly in the past but have gotten in a groove in recent months and when someone forgets it's the 3 year old who yells. "PRAYER!". While Kam has never been comfortable with praying he has grown to enjoy this little ritual as much as I do due to the humor value more than the spiritual value. The kids always come up with something totally unexpected and original. The other night this is how our dinnertime prayer ended:
Emily: Thank you God for everything. Omen!
Me: Thats "Amen" Emily
Noah: Yea, Em, omen is a kind of nut..
Me: No, thats an almond.

The Princess and Piano Recital

I forgot to add pictures of the most wonderful weekend. April 26th and 27th. Emily's 3rd birthday combined with Noah's 1st piano recital gave us much to celebrate!

Prayer Outloud

I was never raised in a home with prayer. The exceptions were at holiday meals and bedtime when I was very young. So it's no surprise that I find myself lacking in the prayer department when I am at church, especially when I am with my fellow Stephen Ministers. There is always this uncomfortable moment where I find myself holding my breath, before I begin to pray out loud, hoping Divine inspiration will wash over me and I will find the words to express the depth with which I have embraced my faith in God and be able to express it with eloquence. I fall short- each and every time and only recently am comfortable with my limitations. When I let out that long held breath and speak, no one laughs, or critiques, or comments on my word choice. So why should I? Prayer is the most honest dialogue I've ever had and imperfect as my prayers may be, I think I'm okay with that. I think God is too.

Mayflowers

It's raining, it's pouring so you know it's spring in Michigan. Emily and I ran around the backyard gardens and picked several tulips in shades of pink, purple, yellow and orange. I for one believe you can never have too many flowers in and around your house. I love the reward of beautiful blooms, that's why I work so hard at gardening. I didn't realize until recently but my friend Ilona is a "master gardener" and while I'm not sure what that designation means, exactly, I am impressed and can't wait to visit her backyard and get tips from her this year.

So yesterday mom and I made our trek to For Wayne, Indiana and found ourselves just two of thousands of women waiting in line to get a deal on Vera Bradley products. It was amazing and more than a bit overwhelming. Mom, who is the president of the American Jockey Club, or Arabian Racing Association ( or both, I'm not sure) is totally obsessed with/involved/surrounded by horses and like minded horse people. She kept wondering why these women - including me- were so into the bags. I dont know I told her, it's kinda like her love of horses. She balked at this as horses are animals and a love of an animal makes more sense than a love of a brand of handbags. So you got me there mother! She still enjoyed it - I think. She found some good deals and a cute organizer for herself that she seemed to truly like. I didn't find exactly what I hoped, except for the daughter apron - but the patterns weren't available that I wanted. That being said, I still managed to spend a $150 and I'm satisfied with the good deals on a few fun bags I love. But I wont be doing that again. Afterall, I did spend 6 hours in my car.....with my mother...nuff said!