Bipolar or Just Plain Crazy?

It's a scary place to be, in my house today. It started before my eyes were even open. I had kids on top of me screaming and demanding and breaking the peace of what would have been a beautiful morning. I have not gotten my prescription of xanax renewed in a while and I thought I could handle that. Obviously not. Its strange admitting to my dependence on a chemical substance, " Hello, my name is McGee and its been 36 days since I last popped a xanax" It's not a cure all, it can't help me in many ways. I don't worry about everything any less and it can't make the kids stop screaming, but it helps me stop. That's responsible pill popping I think! But then again, it's not like I am dependent on this to function day to day. It takes the extraordinary bad day and make it bearable for my family to live with me. I'm surprised my husband doesn't have the pharmacy number ready to speed dial on his cell phone. But he doesn't and he never knows what to make of those crazy looks I give him that plead for understanding to simply take the kids away for a few short hours. I have to spell it out or more accurately he hears me screaming at one of the kids and ambles in the room and inquires, "everything okay in here?" He's assaulted with a barrage of voices all at once trying to explain that, "No, everything isn't okay, that mom is about to lose her mind and please help!" What he seems to hear is white noise so he just yells for everyone to stop yelling and go to their rooms. Me included. Well not really, but I wish I could be sent to my room, alone, but that never happens. I realize I share everything in my world with the kids and Kam. Short of my box of tampons and mascara, whats mine is theirs as well.